She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
