Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He passed out mid-signature
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
