I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
