Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
