Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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