absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
