My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
