he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Dick very happy bro
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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