I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Ladies don't puke and tell
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
