my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
