watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
