i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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