STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
