Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
