so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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