I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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