Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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