question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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