yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
