I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
