Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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