Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
