Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
