i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
he fucked my hip out of place.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
