You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
