The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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