my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
