I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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