Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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