So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
4 words: hood of his car
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
