she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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