Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
