im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize