apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
two words...techno handjob
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
