i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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