So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
