i think my mom watched the whole time
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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