I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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