we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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