like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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