you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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