I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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