Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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