we're chasing vodka with high fives
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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