Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
