I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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