When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize