We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
