I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
