I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
