I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
