His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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