If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
