i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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