After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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