He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
