Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
