how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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