Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
