two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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