Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
