just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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