need another drink. this is the easiest way
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Come share oat with me in your robe
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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