Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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