I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize