I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just pee around me
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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