I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
