: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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