Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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