GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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