mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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