capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
