I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
