I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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