You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
