everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
