The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize