all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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