Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
