the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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