So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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