I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
