your parents love me but you hate me
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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