it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
