We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
