I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
