there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
