just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize