omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
