Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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