I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
