I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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