Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
