I just pynch a tree in the face
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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