a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
