I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
