there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
