Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize