I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
