come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
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