Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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