SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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