even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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