Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
