i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
