3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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