the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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